A Parting Gift

I am going to be taking a short, week long vacation from my blog, and all other screen material, and I don't have long. So, as a parting gift, please enjoy some stand up comedy from a very pale man who talks about food a lot. He reminds me of me. Except I'm tan and a girl.


"Hawwwwwwwt Pawkehhhhhts!" ;-)
See you next week!
Loves,
Sarah

Camp 2009

I was cleaning my desk out yesterday, and I found the notebook that I wrote in when I went to camp last summer. Every chance we got to rest, I would resist the allure of the book stuffed under my pillow and instead either write letters to my family and friends or write about my day in the journal. Some of it has really bad grammar because my hand would cramp so bad, I figured I'd understand what I was trying to say even 20 years in the future. So here it is, with grammar mistakes and all, although some parts have been removed for fear of offending people, should they ever stumble across this meaningless mush of words.

Sarah- Summer Camp 2009
(stuff in bold- I added as I typed)

June 28, 2009
I met my cabin mates. Sorrell, Emmie, and Rachel who is obsessed with blue! For dinner we had spaghetti w/ cheese! There was also bread! Retyping this, I realize I talked a lot about food and used a lot of exclamation points. Please don't get irritated. and peas, corn, carrots, and lima beans! I had 2 1% milks. I am nothing if not thorough. You even get to hear about what KIND of milk I drank. Lucky you. I got seconds of everything. I'm not afraid to admit I'm piggy. Mama does love her food. We acted out a skit where I was the clown school teacher! Everyone liked our skit the best! Wow I was snotty. Sorrell and I are slooowly mastering our Ping Pong skills. Julia handled everything well. Time for lights out! *presumably written the next day* (for dessert we had popcicles) One kid, named Andy, had to get up and sing a song because he put his elbows on the table! We sing LOTS of songs! Before every meal, during every meal, and at activities too. Finally, a sentence that doesn't end in an exclamation point! Shoot, I did it again. Sorrell and I chose all the same activities. BTW, Sorrell hated this camp with a vengeance, and does not plan on returning in the near or distant future. Rachel knows how to knit and purl. Emmie is 5' 10" and I know everything about Sorrell! Uhm, random and slightly stalker much? I <3>Gahhhh! I'm so annoying! I wasn't this annoying when I wasn't it publishing it for the internet to view. And I was not planning on typing in bold so much. I got red paint all over my leg and sock and sneaker after our skit. Under my pillow I keep my journal and book.

All righty. That's enough for now. And none of this is supposed to be in Italics. It just so happens that I have sucky luck.
Great. Add "pessimist" to the list of my character traits.
Wish I had some more of that cheesecake Sorrell and I got tonight.
Sarah

Initially Published Without a Title

Don't yell, don't scream, and please, hold the autographs until the end of the post. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you...LAUREN FRODERMAN, CHAMPION OF SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE SEASON 7!

Now, believe me, I know how sick all of you are with me posting half-posts that revolve around this dumb show. And honestly, I only post the videos here so that I can watch them over and over and over without having to google them again. So put up with me one more time. Please. I'm begging.
I was way out east on vacay when The Grand Finale aired. And the t.v. did not have FOX as one of its channels, so I missed out on the live show. But, when I came home Sunday, I fed the pets that were hungry, both mine and Catherine's, and plopped my car seat-sore derrière on the couch for a four hour marathon of mind-numbing entertainment. There's not much for me to tell you about the first two hour episode. Robert, Kent, and Lauren danced 5 times each, four times with partners and one solo. The second show, there was a guest performance that Cat was hyping up into something so big, I thought Prez Obama was going to break dance for us. Sadly, that was not the case.

*SPONTANEOUS DANCING TO "DYNAMITE" AND "PLAY THAT FUNKY MUSIC"*

I knew who the guest star was because I saw her dancing to the best dance of the season on the news the week before. So I was bummed out that the surprise was ruined, but as soon as I saw her boogeying with Twitch on the 12"x14" television down the Cape, I closed my eyes real tight and in true teenager form stuck my fingers in my ears and screamed "LALALALALALALALA JULIA CHANGE THE CHANNEL LALALALALALA I DON'T WANT TO HEAR WHO WON LALALALALALA HURRY UP LALALALAAAAAAA!" until the image changed to "Seinfeld".
Youtube won't let me embed the video with the better quality here so here's the link- youtube.com
Admittedly, I firmly believed Kent was going to win. Not because I thought he was worthy, because I honestly believe that Lauren was not only a better dancer, but more adaptable to different styles. No, I thought Kent would win because of all the teenage girls you can hear screaming in the audience whenever Cat so much as mentioned his name. So, evidently, I was as shocked as Lauren was when Cat read her name from the little white card she so carefully pulled out of the envelope. But don't take my word for it. Watch it yourself!
This just gets worse and worse. Because of copyright issues, I can't find the season finale anywhere without having to install some random junk. So, instead, watch the last dance she ever performed this season, which I love because I know the words to the song, which makes it more fun for me. "My chick bad, badder badder then yours..."
Can't embed the video. This post fails. Stupid youtube.
youtube.com (again)
Gonna go wallow in my own self-pity.
L8r g8rs.
Sarah
P.S. As far as I know, you are now free of listening to me ramble on about SYTYCD. Congrats!!!

Yerrrrrrr Out!

And so, last night, AdeChike was indeed voted off. To my astonished self, he didn't cry, which is a miracle in itself because then I might have actually felt bad for him. When we were showed the clip of how he's done over the season, they showed him at auditions in Vegas, where he was shedding tears left and right. Yet, the moment wasn't sad, because as he was weeping he said "'I'm crying like a pregnant woman!'" I had to smile at that. The other three contestants will compete for the title "America's Favorite Dancer" on Wednesday night. Who will it be?

Lauren Froderman of Phoenix, Arizona?Robert Roldan? The contestant with height to rival Cat Deeley's, from North Hollywood, CA?

Or will the winning dancer be Kent Boyd, the goofy blonde from Wapakoneta, Ohio?

I'm excited just thinking about it!
Sarah

The End is Near

Tomorrow I'll have almost zilch-o time at home, and so I need to write this now. I've put it off long enough. You would think I would have done this earlier today, seeing as all that I've done for the past four hours or so is read. The same book, the same position on the couch, the same incessant growling of my stomach. But this task is so daunting, my willpower so close to nil, that I need the power of music! CUE THE LADY GAGA!
Nope. The last song my friends listened to yesterday was Your Love is My Drug. I guess we'll stick with Ke$ha for now.
Sunday July 18
Megan came over at 10:30, much to the disgust of my sleeping self. I had to get up at 9:30 BLACK EYED PEAS- MEET ME HALFWAY, eat, brush my teeth, other necessary preparations for facing the public, and put on sunscreen. I absolutely detest the feeling of sunscreen, but love the smell. A girl can't have it all, can she? Anyways... I was lathering up in the kitchen, with Mom spouting off a checklist of stuff I needed to have with me, when Megan rang the doorbell. I was all "Come in, come in, I'm just running late, like always!" When my arms were loaded up with a bag of lunch and change of clothes, Megan led me outside, where I was rather surprised. "Where's your car?" Megan laughed and pointed down my never-ending driveway. "Dad didn't want to try to maneuver his way down the driveway TIMBALAND- THE WAY I ARE with the boat so he parked in the street." That made total sense to me, because my driveway is this weird, curvy snakelike thing that few daring people manage to back down without crushing my dehydrated grass. Anyways, this day is still not over and I've only talked you up to about 10:38. I'll start typing reallyreallyreally fast, and thinking like I'm not craving an ice cream sandwich. FERGIE-BIG GIRLS DON'T CRY Zeke was in the car, and Megan pointed out powdered sugar she and Sorrell had spilled onto the car floor as a result of their disastrous fried dough eating attempt. (Megan had invited me to go too, but I was having a super fun time camping! Bird poop, farting men, watermelon slugs, etc.) When we got to the dock where Megan and Family push the boat into the water, I stepped aside and watched as they used an intricate system of calling to each other to work the boat into the water, with Megan shouting directions to her father who was driving the car, and her brother who was sitting in the boat, ready to gun the engine once the boat was floating. Once that was all settled, and I had gotten myself into the boat, Mr. J steered the boat north. Within the first twenty seconds of FLO RIDA- LOW us zipping up the Merrimack, my headband flew out of my hair into the river behind me. I shouldn't have assumed the largeness of my head would keep it in there. But you know what they say about assuming stuff. Consequently, it was difficult to see for the rest of the ride, what with the wind whipping my hair in my face in an anti-modelesque way. Megan gave the first demonstration on how to water ski, and she was totally awesome! Didn't fall once, that Megan didn't. Then I let Zeke go, so I could get another example of how to get the skis on in the water and get up out of the water once we started moving. Zeke did even better than Megan, if that's possible. And then it was my turn. EPIC. FAILURE. I tried to get up three times, and I was pulled out of my skis each time. Finally, I said I would let Megan and Zeke LEELA JAMES-TELL ME YOU LOVE ME go again so I could learn more from their wise ways. Megan went first, then Zeke Velcro'ed himself to the kneeboard. As we sped south, we hit some unexpected rocks. We watched the propeller bounce up and down, and then Zeke, which was actually really funny, and our fast movement was done for the day. We couldn't do much more than putt our way back to the loading dock area. And we were about as far away as you can get. We decided we might as well eat lunch right then, seeing as it was already 12. I ate a very healthy lunch of a peanut butter sandwich, a bag of Doritos, RIHANNA- SOS and the pretzels that I picked out of the family size Chex Mix. We played the food memory game, where you name a food, then the person after you has to name the food you did and one of their own, and so on. It was more fun when we did it with drinks. It's contents included: Sprite, Sprite Zero, a martini on the rocks, beer, Shirley Temple, coconut milk, water, beer, lemonade, grape juice, White Zinfendel, and there were more that weren't as memorable. It took me forever to learn how to say Zinfendel. Zeke had to keep saying "Zin. Fen. Dellllllllll." And there was a whole debate over whether coconut liquid is called milk or juice. I was team Coconut Milk, and it was a legit heated discussion. KE$HA- TIK TOK
The reason there are so few words in between each song is because I would stop typing and start singing the songs. We swam in the river for awhile when it got too hot, and lucky for us, we were not turned into mutant creatures of the night. I sat on the tube for awhile, making Zeke and Megan pull me around the river whilst letting me call them my minions. When we were done with that, Megan's dad hooked up the tube to the boat and we floated back on it after about twenty minutes of us trying to get on the tube. We eventually pulled it to the boat and jumped onto it, which was difficult because I had to figure out a way to jump onto it without severely injuring Megan. We floated peacefully BEYONCE- SINGLE LADIES for about ten minutes, when Megan fell off. I tried to keep the tube level for her to reboard while also holding my foot out to her so we wouldn't abandon her. Another fail, another jump from the side of the boat. We then had to arrange ourselves so she laid across the entire tube, with me on top of her, making a cross. After the initial weirdness of that, we started waving to people on other watercraft who were going a bajillion miles faster than us. And of course, with my luck, the waves those people made caused Megan to shift, which pushed me off the tube. We weren't allowed on the tube anymore after that. Ugh. That day is over. Thank goodness. BLACK EYED PEAS- LET'S GET IT STARTED BTW, Julia went to camp that day. I forgot that small detail.
Monday July 19
I'm going to stop recording every single detail. I really put a lot of effort into that last day. Too bad I have 17 days more to recount. I went to work with Dad, and read a lot of my book. I made 14 cents in tips (woo! almost enough to buy a stick of gum!) RIHANNA- SHUT UP AND DRIVE and learned to handle the register better than before. Lefty came in and I made a crack about how people always call him Lefty, why not Righty? He didn't get it. Jon came in the evening, and we ate a pizza. Almost. There were a couple slices leftover, but in the grand scheme of things, that's about 66.6% of a pie. That's impressive, right? Then we were loaded into his mom's shiny car, and drove foreeeeeeeeever to a golf place right down the street. I got my butt handed to me on a shining silver pedestal. Silver because I came in second. We practiced for a while, did some imitations of people we know who are missing mini versions of limbs KE$HA- BLAH BLAH BLAH and elderly folk. Then we were rushed through the course because of some people behind us who were too good and fast for our skill level. The scores were depressing, partly because I know I would have lost by a lot more had it not been for the insane pro golfer couple behind us. So I didn't even lose honestly! And we had some disaster ice cream that got all over my arm, table, and anything else in sight. We befriended a small gray bird, and silently laughed at a little boy who was wearing some interesting footwear. MADONNA- FOUR MINUTES I got some amazingly sweet presents from him that I absolutely adore, especially the necklace!
Okay, Julia's gonna kick me off the computer in a couple minutes, so I need to start coloring words and adding pictures and stuff. I only got two days done (how is that possible??? It's been a half hour!) but hopefully I'll find time on Saturday.
GOING TO WATCH SYTYCD IN A HALF HOUR!
Sarah

Last Night's SYTYCD

It's official. I'm a SYTYCD addict. This show makes my day. Last night, each of the remaining four contestants performed twice. Below are my favorite dances from each contestant.
First and foremost, Lauren and Ade's jazz dance choreographed by Sean Cheeseman. I don't know much about Sean's choreography, but he's one of my favorite people because of his last name. Who wouldn't want to be named Cheeseman? About the dance... there's not much for me to say. I think I liked it partly because of the music, which makes me want to do a whole bunch of flips and somersaults and James Bond shoulder rolls, and partly because Lauren attacked the routine with such intense awesomeness.


Last night, Robert danced a Viennese waltz with Anya and a funky hip hop routine with Dominic by my absolute FAVORITE choreographers, NappyTabs. Napoleon and Tabitha explained the plot of this dance is that Robert and D-trix are clowns who were just informed that the circus where they work is firing them, or something like that. So now you have two sad, jobless clowns who decide to release their anger by dancing with a bunch of balloons. To quote the wise words of Tyce Diorio, this dance was "'...everything and a bag of chips.'"


AdeChike had a rough night, which started when he and All-Star Lauren tackled an African jazz routine, that although not horrible, certainly didn't capture my attention. Cheeky Chike's better dance was the contemporary dance performed with Kathryn. The judges tore him apart, saying that his energy wasn't there during this dance, but I didn't notice any flaws. It's of my sad opinion that AdeChike will be sent home tonight, no thanks to the judges' rude comments.
Scratch everything I just said. I rewatched that contemporary piece and my jaw dropped, because I could see what the judges said. So, against my previous opinion, here is AdeChike dancing African jazz with Lauren!

And, lastly, but not leastly, there is Kent. I have to say, I don't think Kent is in any danger of going home tonight, judging by the hundreds of teenage girls screaming in the audience whenever he finished a routine last night. Kent started with a disco number, choreographed by Doriana Sanchez, and even I have to admit, he failed. Epicly. The better dance was a tearjerker, created by Travis Wall, who is an extremely talented young choreographer. I can think of at least two other dances from this season that were his works, that pulled at my heart strings. (What exactly is a "heart string"? It sounds pretty gross.) This dance, performed with All-Star Neil, was about how Kent and Neil used to be friends, but then Neil stopped being there for his slightly shorter blonde counterpart, and stabbed him in the back. When Nigel Lythgoe, judge and executive producer of both SYTYCD and American Idol, asked Travis if someone had stabbed him in the back lately, and Travis nodded, I felt like I was going to lose it. Just to clarify, Kent and Neil are actually very good friends, but some smaller people in my house thought that Neil and Kent were actually archenemies or something like that.

And there you have it. My favorite four dances of the night. I'll try to psych myself up enough to write about the other two weeks that I haven't gotten to yet.
Gonna go hunting for real food.
Sarah

I'm a Failure

I'm soooo disappointed in myself. In the morning, or noon, or whenever I wake up, I think to myself "Sarah, today you will recount your adventures of the past three weeks to the very few people on the Internet who actually care." But then things happen, like, IDK, I have to go on the computer and avoid my blog for hours, or I decide to do math, or I am unwillingly dragged out of the house to socialize and interact with real people. The usual.
Sunday July 11
Journeyed to Keene, NH, for my dad's cousin's graduation party. The guys watched the World Cup, while the rest of us tried to do a 1,000 piece puzzle. I think we put together about 42 pieces. That's just an estimate. When we left there, we went to see a pizza restaurant in Milford called Sal's, for no reason other than Dad has made it a life goal of sorts to see every single Sal's Pizza in New England. No. Other. Reason. (BTW, the Sal's in Tyngsboro, MA, has the best pizza out of all of the Sal's. Just sayin'.) When I hopped out of the car to enter the blue building, my flip flop broke! The rubber part that goes between my big toe and pointer toe just popped out! For the rest of the night I had to drag my right foot behind my left, and I made a sound like "swoosh, step, swoosh, step, swoosh, step..." I am so unbelievably classy. ;-) To top that off, I drank chocolate milk from the Milford Sal's out of one of those glass bottles (I think it was called YooHoo?) and I got my mouth suctioned to the bottle. So I was making monkey sounds to get my Mom's attention, and when she saw me she started laughing, which made me laugh, but I was STILL attached to the stupid glass bottle, and milk started dripping down onto my shirt, and shorts, and it was just an awful moment. Funny, but awful. Following that, (IK, this day was really long, most won't be like this) we went to the Milford drive-in to see Toy Story 3 and Grown Ups. Which was NOT a smart idea. Kids, I recommend you do not see any movie starring Kevin James, Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, David Spade, and Rob Schneider. Especially not with your parents. There was a LOT of awkward tension in the car on the ride home. So much discomfort...
Tuesday July 13
My family went to Six Flags. I've tried to upload the video here several times, but it takes a realllllllly long time. I'll try again, for your sake though. Uno momento, por favor.

OKAY, THAT DIDN'T WORK. I'M GOING TO ADD A VIDEO BAR AND SEE IF IT WILL HELP. GRRRRRRRRR.

Alright, while that's uploading, I'll continue typing. We still have a long ways to go. *Added while Sarah was supposed to be typing about watermelon slugs* Oh, and it rained for the second half of the day there, and while we were waiting for the trolley to carry us back to the parking lot, I heard a teenage guy in the line next to me say "This is, like, half a flag." Get it? 'Cuz in the commercials, the announcer always says "More flags, more fun!" And it was pouring rain, and the guy was like "This is, like, half a flag!" I found it hysterical, and I'm laughing just thinking about it. And, luckily for my parents, I didn't talk to ANY strangers. Or maybe it was the strangers who were lucky?
Wednesday July 14
I saw Despicable Me with Megan and Shannon. It was one of the cutest movies ever, and I didn't cry, which was a bonus! I ate an entire box of XL Junior Mints, all by myself, and was so proud! My breath smelled really good after that! Not even the power of Crest works that well! Emily slept over that night, and we watched SYTYCD together. She rightfully takes full credit for my SYTYCD addiction. She also favors Lauren and Kent above all others. Who wouldn't? Those are their pictures, floating around in this mass of words. They are referred to as the "blonde powerhouses of season 7".
Thursday July 15
Emily left and Mom, me, and the sibs, headed out to Nickerson State Park for some good ol' fashioned fun. AKA, camping. We met Mom's friend Karen and her four loud, very difficult to control sons, and began to set up camp. Team T (me and Julia and Mom) set up our tent faster than Team Y (Karen, James, and Jonathan). I was very impressed with our skillness. *I AM AWARE SKILLNESS IS NOT A WORD* The next two days ran together in kind of a blur, but I'm pretty sure this is the order in which things went. The people who had rented the campsite before us had thrown half a watermelon into the woods, and we knew that inevitably, someone was going to have to remove it unless we wanted furry visitors in the night. After the tents were pitched (notice the use of varied vocabulary. Eh, eh?), I faced my fears and pulled the watermelon from the thick underbrush. There were four slugs on it. I started screaming bloody murder, but like there was a switch flicking the scream on and off. It sounded something like this "AAAAAA-(SILENCE) AAAAAAAAAAA-(SILENCE) AAAAAAAAAAAAH!" The silent part wasn't actually all that silent, since I was sucking in my breath during those parts. I continued dragging the watermelon on the ground as I screamed, and James came running over going "What? What?!?!?" And when I finally managed to tell him about the four fat slugs, I flipped the melon of water over to show him, but they were gone. I probably smushed them on the ground. I bet they oozed. EWW. James looked at me like I was insane, which I probably was, laughed at me, and walked away. Nevertheless, I felt really brave, and like I had accomplished very much that day.
Friday July 16
I woke up, sat in a chair next to the firepit, and read my book quite peacefully. That peace was very rudely disturbed when a bird crapped on me. I was running around the campsite like the local loon, yelling "A BIRD POOPED ON ME AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!" It was only on my pant leg, but it was still pretty gross. Mom finally calmed me down enough to tell me to go to the bathrooms and wash it off with water and paper towels, and she would scrub it when we got home. I ran to the nasty brick building only to find the girls' room closed for cleaning. I went all the way back to camp, (all the way= about 50 feet) and Karen gave me a tub of WetWipes to clean my pants. They didn't work at all, except to make my knee soaked and smelling of antiseptic. Don't worry, Mom got it out when we returned home. I know you were secretly worrying. STOP DENYING IT! About 11, we rented bikes and rode on the Cape Cod Rail Trail. When we stopped for lunch, I was standing off to the side of everyone, stuffing Doritos in my face before the four male food disposals noticed I had a family size bag, when the most horrendous thing happened. An oldish man jogged by, which I didn't pay much attention to. Lots of people were running that day. But this guy was different. He farted. TWICE. Right. In. Front. Of. Me. I ran over to Mom as discreetly as I could, and we laughed until our sides ached about the whole thing. I was the only one who noticed, but I couldn't possibly have kept it to myself. I'M SORRY FOR OFFENDING YOU, YOU POOR, FARTING OLDISH MAN. AND PLEASE TRIM YOUR BEARD, IT IS OF TOO-LONG LENGTH.
Saturday July 17
We went home, but got stuck in traffic about seven miles away from the Sagamore Bridge. I find that name so ironic, because it's called "Sag a more". As in, it's saggy, which is not something I look for in a bridge. I like the bridges I drive on to be anti-sag. It makes me feel like my life isn't in imminent danger.
That's enough for today. Sorry for my meaningless rambling. I hope you guys have lives more exciting than I do, because this is sad.
I have the hiccups.
Sarah

Here's a picture of Nick's finger from a couple of months ago. He had initially slammed it in the car door, which made it pretty disgusting looking. But the day AFTER THAT he crushed it AGAIN in the garage door. It's totally normal looking now. Pink, healthy, and not at all blue. *Sarah is not responsible for any nightmares this image may cause. Side effects of viewing this photo may include vomiting, sudden green coloring of the skin, and uncontrollable urges to compare the size of your middle finger to the one on the screen. Sarah is also not responsible for small boys slamming their fingers in doors in vain attempts to turn their finger that color.*