I'm a Failure

I'm soooo disappointed in myself. In the morning, or noon, or whenever I wake up, I think to myself "Sarah, today you will recount your adventures of the past three weeks to the very few people on the Internet who actually care." But then things happen, like, IDK, I have to go on the computer and avoid my blog for hours, or I decide to do math, or I am unwillingly dragged out of the house to socialize and interact with real people. The usual.
Sunday July 11
Journeyed to Keene, NH, for my dad's cousin's graduation party. The guys watched the World Cup, while the rest of us tried to do a 1,000 piece puzzle. I think we put together about 42 pieces. That's just an estimate. When we left there, we went to see a pizza restaurant in Milford called Sal's, for no reason other than Dad has made it a life goal of sorts to see every single Sal's Pizza in New England. No. Other. Reason. (BTW, the Sal's in Tyngsboro, MA, has the best pizza out of all of the Sal's. Just sayin'.) When I hopped out of the car to enter the blue building, my flip flop broke! The rubber part that goes between my big toe and pointer toe just popped out! For the rest of the night I had to drag my right foot behind my left, and I made a sound like "swoosh, step, swoosh, step, swoosh, step..." I am so unbelievably classy. ;-) To top that off, I drank chocolate milk from the Milford Sal's out of one of those glass bottles (I think it was called YooHoo?) and I got my mouth suctioned to the bottle. So I was making monkey sounds to get my Mom's attention, and when she saw me she started laughing, which made me laugh, but I was STILL attached to the stupid glass bottle, and milk started dripping down onto my shirt, and shorts, and it was just an awful moment. Funny, but awful. Following that, (IK, this day was really long, most won't be like this) we went to the Milford drive-in to see Toy Story 3 and Grown Ups. Which was NOT a smart idea. Kids, I recommend you do not see any movie starring Kevin James, Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, David Spade, and Rob Schneider. Especially not with your parents. There was a LOT of awkward tension in the car on the ride home. So much discomfort...
Tuesday July 13
My family went to Six Flags. I've tried to upload the video here several times, but it takes a realllllllly long time. I'll try again, for your sake though. Uno momento, por favor.

OKAY, THAT DIDN'T WORK. I'M GOING TO ADD A VIDEO BAR AND SEE IF IT WILL HELP. GRRRRRRRRR.

Alright, while that's uploading, I'll continue typing. We still have a long ways to go. *Added while Sarah was supposed to be typing about watermelon slugs* Oh, and it rained for the second half of the day there, and while we were waiting for the trolley to carry us back to the parking lot, I heard a teenage guy in the line next to me say "This is, like, half a flag." Get it? 'Cuz in the commercials, the announcer always says "More flags, more fun!" And it was pouring rain, and the guy was like "This is, like, half a flag!" I found it hysterical, and I'm laughing just thinking about it. And, luckily for my parents, I didn't talk to ANY strangers. Or maybe it was the strangers who were lucky?
Wednesday July 14
I saw Despicable Me with Megan and Shannon. It was one of the cutest movies ever, and I didn't cry, which was a bonus! I ate an entire box of XL Junior Mints, all by myself, and was so proud! My breath smelled really good after that! Not even the power of Crest works that well! Emily slept over that night, and we watched SYTYCD together. She rightfully takes full credit for my SYTYCD addiction. She also favors Lauren and Kent above all others. Who wouldn't? Those are their pictures, floating around in this mass of words. They are referred to as the "blonde powerhouses of season 7".
Thursday July 15
Emily left and Mom, me, and the sibs, headed out to Nickerson State Park for some good ol' fashioned fun. AKA, camping. We met Mom's friend Karen and her four loud, very difficult to control sons, and began to set up camp. Team T (me and Julia and Mom) set up our tent faster than Team Y (Karen, James, and Jonathan). I was very impressed with our skillness. *I AM AWARE SKILLNESS IS NOT A WORD* The next two days ran together in kind of a blur, but I'm pretty sure this is the order in which things went. The people who had rented the campsite before us had thrown half a watermelon into the woods, and we knew that inevitably, someone was going to have to remove it unless we wanted furry visitors in the night. After the tents were pitched (notice the use of varied vocabulary. Eh, eh?), I faced my fears and pulled the watermelon from the thick underbrush. There were four slugs on it. I started screaming bloody murder, but like there was a switch flicking the scream on and off. It sounded something like this "AAAAAA-(SILENCE) AAAAAAAAAAA-(SILENCE) AAAAAAAAAAAAH!" The silent part wasn't actually all that silent, since I was sucking in my breath during those parts. I continued dragging the watermelon on the ground as I screamed, and James came running over going "What? What?!?!?" And when I finally managed to tell him about the four fat slugs, I flipped the melon of water over to show him, but they were gone. I probably smushed them on the ground. I bet they oozed. EWW. James looked at me like I was insane, which I probably was, laughed at me, and walked away. Nevertheless, I felt really brave, and like I had accomplished very much that day.
Friday July 16
I woke up, sat in a chair next to the firepit, and read my book quite peacefully. That peace was very rudely disturbed when a bird crapped on me. I was running around the campsite like the local loon, yelling "A BIRD POOPED ON ME AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!" It was only on my pant leg, but it was still pretty gross. Mom finally calmed me down enough to tell me to go to the bathrooms and wash it off with water and paper towels, and she would scrub it when we got home. I ran to the nasty brick building only to find the girls' room closed for cleaning. I went all the way back to camp, (all the way= about 50 feet) and Karen gave me a tub of WetWipes to clean my pants. They didn't work at all, except to make my knee soaked and smelling of antiseptic. Don't worry, Mom got it out when we returned home. I know you were secretly worrying. STOP DENYING IT! About 11, we rented bikes and rode on the Cape Cod Rail Trail. When we stopped for lunch, I was standing off to the side of everyone, stuffing Doritos in my face before the four male food disposals noticed I had a family size bag, when the most horrendous thing happened. An oldish man jogged by, which I didn't pay much attention to. Lots of people were running that day. But this guy was different. He farted. TWICE. Right. In. Front. Of. Me. I ran over to Mom as discreetly as I could, and we laughed until our sides ached about the whole thing. I was the only one who noticed, but I couldn't possibly have kept it to myself. I'M SORRY FOR OFFENDING YOU, YOU POOR, FARTING OLDISH MAN. AND PLEASE TRIM YOUR BEARD, IT IS OF TOO-LONG LENGTH.
Saturday July 17
We went home, but got stuck in traffic about seven miles away from the Sagamore Bridge. I find that name so ironic, because it's called "Sag a more". As in, it's saggy, which is not something I look for in a bridge. I like the bridges I drive on to be anti-sag. It makes me feel like my life isn't in imminent danger.
That's enough for today. Sorry for my meaningless rambling. I hope you guys have lives more exciting than I do, because this is sad.
I have the hiccups.
Sarah

Here's a picture of Nick's finger from a couple of months ago. He had initially slammed it in the car door, which made it pretty disgusting looking. But the day AFTER THAT he crushed it AGAIN in the garage door. It's totally normal looking now. Pink, healthy, and not at all blue. *Sarah is not responsible for any nightmares this image may cause. Side effects of viewing this photo may include vomiting, sudden green coloring of the skin, and uncontrollable urges to compare the size of your middle finger to the one on the screen. Sarah is also not responsible for small boys slamming their fingers in doors in vain attempts to turn their finger that color.*